I Am a Year Old

Today, I am a year old. What does that mean? I'll explain.

A year (and a few days) ago, I lost someone that meant a lot to me. If you read my Insanity review, you would know that the person that I'm referring to is my grandma. Although the thought is always in my mind, I was reading a comment on this apple pie recipe webpage and it was the author who shared the recipe. Like many other recipes, this one was passed on from her grandma.

Not to sound cliche, but my grandma was a brilliant cook. I loved her food, although I knew she probably used a lot of oil or salt or sugar. Regardless, the food tasted amazing. I remember when I was young and visited my grandma often, she would make me two simple yet beauitful dishes: the tradional chinese style tomatoes and eggs, fermented beans spare ribs rice, and chinese style salty fish meat pattie rice.

When I watched my grandma lie in the hospital bed, it didnt really hit me that some time soon she was going to stop breathing, and when she did, I remember watching my relatives cry as I just stood, not digesting the information. It wasnt until my mom said that we needed to leave the room when I realized that this might be one of the last times I'll ever get to see her. As I type I can picture the incident... not the best memory but I sure wont want to forget it.

This is life. Everyone has to move on, and as much as I miss my grandma, I know she wants me happy.

A friend and I got into an argument a while back, causing me to bring up my grandma's death to prove a point (that you must move on in life). He asked me "how do you know she wants you happy?"

I dont.

And up to this point I feel guilty not seeing her, and rather a chose to go to ribfest. A few days later, she was hospitalized.

But why tell myself she hates me when I know she doesnt. My grandma was someone who's very polite, sincere, kind, selfless, and forgiving. She would go out of her way just to make you happy. She was the perfect grandma.

It's been a year since I've heard her voice. She did come visit me in my dreams (a chinese saying) and told me to stay strong. If I cry (and I am a cry baby), only cry for a little while, stay strong, and move on.

Whether that was myself thinking it, or if she actually did come into my dreams, I took those words and kept it close to my heart.

One year can make a difference. I've lost 15 pounds since she passed away (as I mentioned part of it in my other post) and is very proud with myself! In a year I'll be graduating from University, and hoping to start another chapter of my life in veterinary school.

Today I am a year old. I bring back memories that I obtained one year ago. I miss my grandma, and I love her. That was really the main point of this post, but there's no need to feel upset as I am happy because she wants me to, and I know it.

TeaC101